the girl who never cried

In the fall of 2008 I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savoir.  He captured my heart and I changed!

One of the things I specifically prayed for after becoming a believer, was for God to allow me to cry.  Over my childhood, teenage, and young adult years I had built up so many walls, that I had a VERY hard time being real with myself and others as well as feeling all of the emotions God created us to feel.  A great friend of mine encouraged me to simply pray for tears, good tears, bad tears, just REAL tears.  In my prayers, I longed for God to do this work in my life and to tear down my walls.  Our God is good, and He did!

5 years later, here I am...a crying MACHINE!  This week has been hard, and I have cried more tears than I have in a long while.  Tears of sadness, of loneliness, and of longing.  Tears that I asked for, tears that I prayed God would give me, AND HE DID!!!

Tonight I cried WONDERFUL tears.  Tonight I looked at my husband, and became SO overwhelmed with the love I have for him that it brought me to tears.  Happy, joyful, loving, good tears!  Tears that ran down my cheek and touched my lips.  Salty tears.  I love these kind of tears.

And here is where I am now:
If I (the girl who never cried) can become so overwhelmed with love for my husband that it brings me to tears, how much does OUR GOD love US!?!  It's being loved for simply existing, to an amount that no human mind or heart can fathom!  It's HIS kind of LOVE!

And that my friends, makes my heart full of joy, and eyes full of tears.

August 15th - Day 15

Having the exquisitely special opportunity to work with children with special needs and their families. These kiddos are so special and dear to my heart. Their families are beyond amazing and so humbly strong.

August 12th - Day 12

I got my journal in the mail today!!!!!!!!

August 11 - Day 11

Kristin & Mike made us dinner tonight!  Steak, potatoes, carrots & fresh bread! :)  Great food, greater friends, the greatest night!

August 10 - Day 10

Eric bought me treats when he was out running an errand! :)

August 9 - Day 9

Frisbee golf (and not stinking it up big time)...
Spontaneous dates! :)
Movie night  in.  
THIS!!!

August 8th - Day 8

Playing games with friends tonight & this summer has been such a joy. Who would have EVER thought that I would enjoy a nerdy game like Settlers of Catan as much as I do!?!?  (I think it's the people, not the game.)

August 7th - Day 7

Fragments, but whole thoughts today:

productivity
working from home
ministry
Eric singing
DANCE (SYTYCD)

August 6th - Day 6

Today I prepped for the Cornerstone Sunday Service & a new student event!  Our church is preparing to welcome new students, love on them big time, and connect them to Christ through our little church!  THIS is why we live in Normal! :)

August 5th - Day 5

I went on a 2 part date with my cutie husband tonight to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants(Los Potrillos mMm) and played Frisbee golf with the Prathers-FUN!  I planned and prepped for school today---excited for my new learners!

August 4th - Day 4

DEALS!  COUPONS!  SAVING $$$!!!  Today we got Eric 7 pairs of socks for $10!!!!  AND Tomorrow I'm going to OfficeMax to get some stellar deals AND use my teacher discount!!!  *using HIS provision wisely*

August 3rd - Day 3

This is how I'm feeling about life today....BRING IT!  :)  I know God is going to grow me in this new season.

Also, my husband tenderly LOVES our niece SO much, and it just melts my heart!!!

August 2nd - Day 2

Tonight we spent the evening with the Peters.  Dinner, talking, poor language skills, bodily functions, real life...I'm so thankful we have real friends we can be real with.

August 1st - Day 1

My great friend Karen has blessed me with her family since 2008, but this summer she allowed me to watch her sweet babies all summer; I love those kids so much!!!  Today was my last day with Hamilton & Lili; I'm going to miss our summer adventures.

Proactive

My life take away from teaching:
This year I've learned a TON about being proactive! As a wife, a teacher, a friend, a human.... it just makes sense to me to strive to be proactive rather than reactive.


Some things I know about myself are:
- I don't do change well (at all).
- I'm super needy (especially with my husband).
- I am a "low capacity" person.
- I'm a introvert. (Who would've known?)
- I see bad over good.


Ch-ch-changes are about to go down:
- Eric starts working with GCM & Cornerstone @ ISU tomorrow! (PRAISE GOD)
- Students are coming back to campus in less than a month.
- I start teaching my own kids in less than a month.
- Our weekends will be tied up starting August 18th. (no visits to the burbs)
- I have to be an adult again because it's not summer.


My knew love of this proactive idea + some things I know about myself + life changes = proactive actions!

This month I am starting a Happiness Journal (thanks to my sister Heather for the wonderful idea).

I know that of my own accord in this next phase of life I will most likely look back on 2013/2014 and see crazy, bad, hard, icky poopoo.  I also KNOW the Lord has me in this season of life for His reasons.  I KNOW that His ways are WAY better than my ways.  I am certain that He wants to use this season of life to love me more, grow me more, and draw me closer to Him.  I think one of the best ways I can be proactive in letting the Lord work in my heart is to see His work and His good daily.  Through this happiness journal I hope God will soften my heart and allow me to see Him before myself, and cement the fact that His ways are better than my ways into my mind!

I will write 1 sentence a day in my happiness journal. (It may end up being a tad more.) My short term goal is to do it for August, September, and October. My medium term goal is to do it for a year (365days!). My long term goal is to write at least 1 sentence in my happiness journal every day for 5 years!

I think I stink at being disciplined & keeping up with things.  I also think I really want this! :)

Here we go!!!!!!!!

The Lion

I'm reading "The Horse and His Boy" because I never did as a child and I love it!!!

Shasta's encounter with Aslan...

"Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta.

"There was only on lion," said the Voice.

"What on earth do you mean? I've just told you there were at least two the first night and--"

"There was only one: but it was swift of foot.:

"How do you know?"

"I was the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead.  I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

"Then it was you who wounded Aravis?"

"It was I."

"But what for?"

"Child, said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers.  I tell no one any story but his own."





SO GOOD for SOOO many reasons! :)

Take My Life and Let It Be

This week Joshua 3:5 was shared with me.

"Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."

In my walk with the Lord, this is something I've known in my head, but until more recently haven't truly believed in my heart and lived out.  

Consecrate; to dedicate yourself, your life, your time, to a specific purpose.  Whoa, heavy.  Can I really do that? The word holds so much in it's 10 letters. I think about how my heart has changed in the past year to really believe what Joshua told the people, and what the Lord wants me to know through this scripture.  

I hear Him say, "JAMIE consecrate yourself to ME (not to how good you are, or the task you are working on, JUST ME and MY purpose), and tomorrow (and ALL the days that follow), I will do AMAZING things among you (and through you)!"  

This past year, and specifically since Eric started support raising to be a missionary with our church on ISUs campus, I have more and more had the head to heart transfer with believing wholly in this call from Joshua.  We're called to consecrate ourselves, to dedicate ourselves, our lives second by second to the LORD and to be the hands and feet for His purposes. And we could stop there and that would be so much more than good enough, to be dedicated to the Lord.  But God is so good, and loves us so much that we don't have to stop there, for tomorrow the Lord will to amazing things among you!  What a blessing, that God would so choose to do amazing things among us, who are so unworthy.  I have really seen God do this in our lives in these past months.  I've prayed crazy prayers doing dishes while Eric is building  his ministry team, and he pops into the kitchen to say God answered my prayer that Eric didn't even know I prayed!  Eric is 94% funded to do the mission work at ISU, that alone is only the Lord working through His people. I've stepped into a larger position in the church, because I felt like dedicating myself to God was living in freedom in Him, not fear of failure, and business, and stress.  Our leadership for a specific ministry went from zilch to complete in a matter of 24 hours, a day after this verse was shared with me. It is just crazy what amazing things the Lord can do among us.

I just think, wow, if we ALL, as believers decided to truly consecrate ourselves to the Lord, how much more would we be like Him, love like Him, talk like Him, act like Him, trust in Him, and better believe that He is for us and wants to do amazing things among us.  He just wants US first!  That's where that little comma comes in... "Consecrate yourselves [COMMA(do this first)] for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you."

I'm so thankful that the Lord is using the people in my life to share His word with me, and work in my heart in these ways.  I know that this week, and today, I have lived my life consecrated to the Lord, but I need God's strength to make that the way I live my life everyday!

Take My Life  by Chris Tomlin really gets at my heart right now. The first lyrics are "Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee."  AMEN!

This week I'm praying that God would move in our hearts to live consecrated to the Lord. "Always, only for my King"

There is POWER in the name of JESUS

God's provision.

Continued answered prayers.

Experiencing the LOVE of Christ.

Community in action.

God's provision.

~~~

I've read the book of Matthew a number of times, and Matthew 6, is one of my favorite chapters.  As a worrier the truth of it's scripture has provided me great comfort, and allowed me to re-center my heart and better align with the Lord.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly father knows that you

need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

The truth is that we have trusted God to provide, over and over and over again.  But it's not easy.  It is a constant choice to trust that God will see His plan through.  We are confident that right now God has called Eric to full time ministry on the college campus.  We are confident that this call requires some sacrifice.  We are confident that sharing the gospel in this place is more than worth it. Having the opportunity to share the greatest news one will ever hear, and to welcome with open arms brothers and sister into the Kingdom, is priceless. 

We are reassured that as Paul writes to the church of Philippi, 

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

                                                                                               that the good work began in our lives to serve here will be carried out to completion, trusting that is is the will of God.

As Eric pursues working in full time ministry with Cornerstone Christian Fellowship at ISU, and as we continue the support raising process, it is so crystal clear the incredible power in the name of Jesus!

We are continuing to pray for Ministry Team Partners, people and families who are passionate about sending   Eric (and I) out to reach the lost, and care for the students of ISU.

GOD is WORKING!  Today we have yet another partner, and are moving closer and closer to Eric's goal before he is released to work on campus in August.

Would you pray with us?  For us?  For ISU's campus?  For Cornerstone?  

Continuing to pray!

~~~

Listen to this TRUTH! - Break Every Chain - Jesus Culture
There IS power in the name of JESUS!

Truth.

Today, the Lord worked.

HE met our families needs in so many ways.

Here is just a snippet of my take away.



Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.



My prayer this week is that I will run with perseverance and always be considering Jesus, as to not grow weary and lose heart.

He's got the WHOLE WORLD in His hands.

I've been super humbled lately.

Realizing just how small we are,

All of us.

How hard the world can rock us

and still

How LOVED we are by OUR GOD!


He literally created the HEAVENS and the EARTH, The WHOLE UNIVERSE, the entirety of existence. EVERYTHING!  I feel stupid on the days when I forget this.  When it takes a little 8 year old voice saying, "I know how all the planets got there.... GOD, duh!" to remind me.

I know my God.  I love my God. I desperately yearn for my God.

But still there are days when I'm so taken aback by how much I think my little world is crumbling to pieces.

Like He would want bad for my life, or pain in my heart.  Like He doesn't love me like I know He does.


the truth is....


HE is in control.  HE is our loving Father.  HE loves me, you, us!  HE only wants good for my life.

Good doesn't mean easy.  GOOD doesn't mean painless.  Good doesn't mean beautiful.

Good is good, and God. is. good.

So on days when my heart is hurting, and I'm wondering why my all so important world is horrifically crumbling and all the most important things in the world are just being viciously yanked out from under me I HAVE to step back, take a deep breath, and remember..........

He's got the WHOLE world in HIS hands.  

His loving, beautiful, perfect hands.


"For I know the plans I have for your, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 
- Jeremiah 29:11