Okay here is the deal. I've been teaching in an Alternative High School program in a pretty urban area. Now if you know anything about urban areas you know they are extremely diverse, any typically have very high low income population (especially in the public schools). If you know anything about alternative schools, you'd know that the population of students one works with is, well, atypical to say the least.
I ALWAYS thought I wanted to teacher High School kids with emotional and behavioral disabilities, a place exactly like this! Well...let's just say I've changed my mind, but not my heart.
The past 6 weeks at this school has been really rough, challenging, disheartening, heart breaking, boring, and just straight up hard!!!! I have been called who knows what...was told student's can't stand me... one boy talked about stabbing me in the face...I've been tested and tested and tested...and the list goes on. Basically, now I really want to teach ity bities that just adore me, I don't think this is a population of student that I could last teaching...
There's a catch...because there's always a catch!!! AND God works all things together for our good.
For every challenge that I've faced in this classroom with these students, the victories and the blessing of having the opportunity to be a part of their lives have been more than worth the long drive, the bad attitudes and every other curve ball that's been thrown my way.
The very same students that have ridiculed me and hardened their hearts towards me are now my students. I don't say that possessively at all, but in the sense that there is a relationship there. Once I broke the ice with them, and showed them that I was a real person, with real emotions, and real problems just like them...SLOWLY....and I mean slooowwwwly they have cracked open the door to their lives and let me get a toe in the threshold. It's been so amazing!
My heart is so for my 8 crazy teenagers! It's such a blessing to see them share their lives in their writing. I've learned so much through chicken scratch and crumpled, ripped papers. It's all worth the squinting and decoding to learn what a student is passionate about, how they have been molded to the person they are today, and who they want to become. They all have such sad, hard, heartbreaking stories. At the same time they all have such amazing goals and a genuine desire to be better, start over, and make a difference.
I love young people who just exude determination.
With all odds against them, they don't give up. They persevere (funny that I taught a mini-lesson on perseverance today).
All this to say that, yes, I have more of an idea that I more than likely would more so enjoy teaching the little booger face munchkins. At the same time, I just love these kids. They grabbed my heart! I'm so sad to be leaving them soon. I can't believe how they have touched my life in such a way in such a short time.
Now, the same punks that made me come home crying the first week of school, are the smiling faces I joke around with before class begins. The kids that said "I can't stand Ms. Kuptz", are now asking, "Ms. Kuptz, you coming to my graduation?". The girl that just stared at me for about three weeks, shares how here morning is going with me every day. I BROKE THE ICE!!! I think I won them over....but more importantly they won my heart!
What I've learned:
Don't give up.
Persevere.
God HAS a plan.
Don't doubt it.
Embrace it.
IT'S GOOD!!!
Open your heart.
Jump out of your comfort zone.
Trust in Him.
Just...break the ice.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called According to His purpose.
Romans 8:28
I love teaching. I love my students. It's hard. It's so stinkin' worth it!!!
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